HOW TO GET PAST YOUR PERFECTIONISM AND 'JUST DO IT'
Perfectionism runs rampant these days. It comes up for so many of my clients even sometimes under the disguise of something else. I want to share some strategies for moving past perfectionism and into productivity.
“Have the courage to be imperfect.”
I had a pretty storybook childhood. I grew up in a small town in Maine, had involved and attentive parents, and was afforded opportunities to be a kid and explore the outdoors with my friends. I got to travel, try new things, and was supported in pursuing the things I loved. Dancing was the anchor and passion of my childhood. I simply loved it. I practiced and progressed to a member of the Corps de Ballet with a professional company while still in high school. The discipline, structure, and dedication that dancing instilled in me gave me such a strong foundation for literally every other aspect of my life. The most important, and unexpected, benefit dancing gave me was the mental and emotional release it offered – it kept me sane during the trying times of middle school and high school. And in the end, led to me meeting my husband in a roundabout way. It also fueled my desire for “perfection.”
Some of us are more naturally inclined toward or away from perfectionism. When I consider some of my own character traits, it’s interesting how they intersect with perfectionism. Resourceful, meticulous, and strategic are the three character traits that I believe have been most instrumental to my success – more specifically, the combination of these traits has helped me the most.
I have never shied away from asking for help. In my mid-twenties, I purchased my first house and set out to renovate it. I quickly realized I was going to need some help. I sought out people in my life with different skills and asked them to work alongside me and help me through the process. I asked questions on every trip to The Home Depot, I did research. I was renovating a two-family and needed to rent the 2nd unit to live on my own in this duplex, I needed it to be ‘perfect!’ Getting out of my own way and asking for the help I needed not only helped me achieve a quality outcome, but it also happened a lot quicker than if I had struggled on my own.
While initially, it may seem that being meticulous might enable perfectionist tendencies. I have found that having a vision for what ‘perfect’ is gives you have a clear target, which is a skill that can help prevent stalling out. With an eye for the detail, you can continue to make improvements and progress on a project compared to someone with big picture thinking might easily get stalled out in the face of lots of micro decisions.
Working strategically to me is the epitome of working smarter, not harder. Particularly with perfectionist tendencies, being able to work on the right areas of a project – even if you are still aiming for perfection – can be a game-changer. Launching my business three years ago, my perfectionism showed up in all my back-end work – website content, social media content, business cards. And guess what? No one was reading any of it because I hadn’t launched into the actual work of coaching yet! Fast forward to today, there is plenty that I see to improve in my automation tool, my business processes, and even my content. I work constantly on these elements, but I have shifted my focus to prioritizing serving my clients at a 150%. Only when that is done will I allow myself to work on perfecting the back-end systems. My business has grown because of this strategic decision. And my inner perfectionist, though annoyed, seems to have taken the backseat quietly.
“a perfectionist is “a person who refuses to accept any standard short of perfection.” ”
What exactly is perfectionism? According to the Oxford Dictionary (and who doesn’t love a good dictionary definition), a perfectionist is “a person who refuses to accept any standard short of perfection.” So, what exactly is “perfect?” Well, Miriam-Webster had nearly 20 variations on that definition. Not a coincidence.
The trickiest thing about perfection is, it doesn’t actually exist. Or at least the way most people think of perfect, including some of Miriam-Websters definitions of “without fault”, “beyond improvement”. A major roadblock for perfectionists is NOT defining what perfect means to them. I can tell you my wedding day was perfect – but it was perfect for me and my husband. That same wedding would not have been perfect for any number of our guests – they may have seen fault with our choices or seen ways to improve it, we did not.
The focus to execute everything perfectly is what makes a perfectionist. Some perfectionists may only strive so they feel satisfied while others may feel need the to strive so that others view their execution as perfect.
The general consensus is that being a perfectionist is not a positive thing. Like most things, seeking perfection isn’t entirely bad, it does have its upsides. Striving for perfection often means not settling. I coach so many women who are tired of settling and choose to make changes in their lives to be less overwhelmed and more fulfilled. If they couldn’t conjure up an image of their ‘perfect life’ they wouldn’t have a clue where to start on making changes to achieve it. The ability to have a clear vision of what you are striving for and measurable elements to know if you achieved are practical goal setting strategies. The challenge to perfectionists is being flexible as that vision comes to life with variations from the original picture-perfect ideal.
Of course, the general consensus that perfectionism presents a challenge exists as an assumption and generality for good reason. Perfectionism does have its drawbacks. The most impactful drawbacks to being a perfectionist are lack of progress and lack of satisfaction. If you are striving for perfection, decisions become overwhelming and the mental load about what to do or how to do it perfectly can stall out progress of any kind. The bigger, lasting impact is not being happy or satisfied. Feeling like something wasn’t perfect can be such a blow to your ego and your confidence and suddenly you are so wrapped up in what was ‘wrong’ that you can’t appreciate all that you achieved or enjoy the moments you created. The perfect example of that is the infamous “Pinterest Party.” Striving to execute the perfect party from signature cocktails, themed food, decorations, and even outfits that coordinate and impress your guests can mean you miss the whole party! Wasn’t the point of the party to celebrate something and spend time with people who mean the most to you? If you spend all your time making it perfect, you just might miss it. I should clarify, my ‘perfect’ wedding day, was only perfect because my husband and I built a day of fun for us. We enjoyed every second and as a result, our guests complimented us on how much fun they had, and I truly believe it’s because we let go of magazine perfect and created a ‘perfect for us’ celebration that we enjoyed every moment of.
Lack of progress or that feeling of ‘getting stuck’ is often rooted in fear. Fear of making the wrong decision, fear of not having a perfect outcome, fear they will be judged as less than perfect, fear they won’t be able to course-correct. There are so many ways fear shows up, but that fear can be debilitating. Habit experts like Gretchen Rubin and Kendra Adachi talk a lot about eliminating decision-making – we can become fatigued by making decisions repeatedly. Habits with a one-time decision are easy to execute. I think this mindset can really help a perfectionist from getting stuck.
To help you “just do it” and move through and past perfectionism, I want to share 5 strategies that can have a big impact.
You are probably making too many decisions. You need to eliminate some decision-making to get past perfectionism. I mentioned this already, when it comes to getting stuck, it’s often due to decision fatigue. Let’s take our Pinterest Party example. To get past perfectionism, maybe you decide that for every party you go “on-theme” for one thing – maybe it’s food, or decorations or outfits but not all three. Sure, you are still likely to be aiming for perfection with that one thing, but you have decided in advance that it’s ONLY that one thing and you won’t be worried about how the different tie together, eliminating the fear of missing the theme. Maybe you even decide altogether that you won’t do party themes at all!
Your expectations are misleading you. You must check your expectations. Where are they coming from? Who’s in your head sending you signals about the expectations? Sure, at work, you may have clearly outlined expectations from your manager and/or job description. For many perfectionists, however, the expectations in their heads far exceed those provided to them. It’s important to know what it will look like to “meet expectations” vs “exceed expectations”. Exceeding expectations is still celebrated in many corporate cultures at review time, which presents its own challenges. Remember there are many ways to exceed expectations, it doesn’t say ‘perfect.’
In order to ‘just do it,’ it’s important to clearly define ‘perfect’ BEFORE you get started. Consider what will make you feel like something is perfect. I’d challenge you to also define and describe what ‘well-done’ and ‘good enough’ would look like. This allows you to prevent getting stuck by getting started with an aim at good enough. If you have the bandwidth, take it to the next level. Be mindful of where your definition of perfect is coming from.
“Comparison is the thief of joy.” - C. S. Lewis. It’s important to know that a large part of perfectionist challenges come from comparing. These days the biggest way to avoid major comparisons is to take a break from social media. The highlight reel of personal lives, family lives, and careers can skew our perception of reality and set our expectations much too high. If you can’t let go of what others are doing online, consider muting them or taking a break altogether. Maybe you just take a social break when you have a particularly challenging project or event that brings out the perfectionist in you.
Take it one step at a time. With a perfectionist mindset, it’s easy to stay solely focused on the end goal. This, along with fear, can make taking steps along the way difficult. Remember, you must only do the next right thing (as the Princess of Arendelle from Frozen so eloquently says). Removing the long-distance focus and narrowing in on one step can remove the overwhelm and prevent getting stuck.
I love helping people work through perfectionist tendencies. Finding strategies to shift the mindset around perfect and ensure the desire for perfect doesn’t lock up everything in life takes work and looks different for everyone. If you’d like help working on your own strategies, click the button below.